This Renpho eye massager is better than blue light glasses
Composed by Vice Staff
Almost every second of the day, a screen inhabits my life – damn it, I’m staring at one while typing this. I’m sure we can all agree that technology is amazing, but when does it stop? Many of us are glued to laptops or huge monitors for eight hours a day, every day, leading to severe eye strain, which I know all too well. (It’s actually the blue light emitted by screens that makes your eyes work harder to focus, giving you that all-too-familiar feeling of having ice picks stuck in your pupils.)
While the best blue light glasses in the game might work for some, for me, and for many others, they just aren’t good enough. My problems started in high school – I had migraine headaches that lasted two grueling weeks at a time. Luckily those days are over, but although my migraines are gone, I still have chronic, pesky eye strain from poring over luxury watch dupes, the best deodorant for women, and an endless barrage of memes. and TikToks.
Now, I don’t entirely blame the computers. I’m a video game freak and go to concerts where pyrotechnics and strobe lights light up my face all night long. Guilty as accused, but I refuse to give up my vices. So fast forward to this year when I came across a miracle gadget that basically cured my tired eyes: the Renpho Eye Massager.
What is that?
The Renpho Eye Massager is exactly what it sounds like: a machine that massages your tired, stressed eyes. It was designed to target five “acupuncture points” in the eye area with both pressure and heat, ultimately easing tension headaches, eye strain, puffiness and dry eyes. (All my problems — I’m a mess.) Temperatures range from 104 to 107 degrees Fahrenheit, and while it sounds like a scorcher, it’s only eight to 11 degrees above body temperature.
It has a clamshell design with an adjustable head strap which gives me an extra edge as I have an annoying head. It’s also ultra-portable and both sides fold up making it easy to take with you on the go. It has five massage modes that help reduce inflammation and increase blood circulation, and – my favorite feature – it has Bluetooth connectivity so you can play your own jams or quiet sounds.
First off, they look like ski goggles, and when I first saw them, I had no idea what awaited my tired, bloodshot eyes. I didn’t think anything was really able to get rid of my eyestrain and tension headaches; I admit, I was skeptical, but I like to keep an open mind with everything, especially when my precious eyeballs are involved.
The eye massager has a 4.4 out of five star rating and over 5,700 reviews on Amazon. That’s how I knew this product had something special. “Usually two to three cycles and bam the worst of them are gone,” wrote one reviewer. “So if you suffer from migraines or constant headaches, this is a godsend.” So, I tried for about a month, and we can say that I was pleasantly surprised.
I was enlightened
As soon as I strapped in and turned it on, the upper half of my face and head simply felt like I was resting in a padded steam room, in the best possible way. As he stroked my forehead and eyes, I felt like a heated vibrator. Ugh, I like fun. As you alternate pressing modes, a lightly punchy (almost bouncing) vibration hits every nook and cranny of your eye sockets.
I guess you could say my eyes had an orgasm. It was truly a zen experience that softened the face, so much so that it mimicked the relief I get from my Theragun, my favorite post-run ritual. Once the session was over, it felt like my eye area had just left the spa. The heating pads left a light film of sweat on my skin, but nothing to complain about: I felt like a whole new woman.
The first few times I used this I used the built-in tranquil ambient tones which transported me to a Japanese cherry blossom garden. I’m sure it put me in a trance. But, I wanted to kick things up a notch in my meditation sessions. I was excited to use Bluetooth connectivity and connect my self-proclaimed sick Spotify playlists. My idea of relaxation vibrates with Swedish metal (Opeth is the chef’s kiss). If you can’t feel the music, you can also learn smoothly by listening to an e-book or podcast. The rechargeable massager also comes with a mini remote control so you can change the massage pressure and song with just a click.
Is there anyone who shouldn’t use this device?
Renpho says you shouldn’t use it if you have cataracts, have had eye surgery, or have retinal problems. In other words, don’t put this on right after you get Lasik. We respect a responsible king or queen who respects warning etiquette.
TL; DR: Should you snag the Renpho eye massager?
Here are three reasons why you should throw this sucker in your cart:
- That’s wonderful. Your eyes and all surrounding areas will feel as they are gently caressed by a massage gun or your favorite vibrator.
- This will make your tired, bloodshot eyes look like they no longer have pink eye.
- This will save you money in the long run, especially if you’re constantly looking for relief/massage sessions outside for your headaches or eyestrain.
Say goodbye to eye strain and headaches, I won’t miss you.
Renpho Eye Massager is available for purchase at Amazon.
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